Monday, 4 June 2012

Unrequited cake

Ana wants to meet the Queen.

Not some street fair amateur in a creepy cardboard mask, or a lost tourist toting an inflatable corgi. Certainly not that guy who sashays across Westminster Bridge.

The Queen, dammit. The REAL Queen.

So far no luck.

It was Ana's first, upsetting glimpse of a fake queen a week ago that triggered this fixation. Since then the cacophony of Jubilee hoopla has exacerbated her delicate condition.

Ana is not unreasonable - she merely wants to play with the Queen's toys, and maybe have tea. She has even made a Victoria sponge for the occasion.

Ana knows where the Queen's house is. She promises to share her toys and be sweet. What else could be required?

Grown-ups talk about the Queen till the are red and blue in the face. They throw parties for her, but she never shows up.

Befuddlement is becoming suspicion - Ana reckons people say the Queen is coming just to shut her up. She wonders if the real Queen is stuck in traffic. Perhaps there are the wrong kind of leaves on the line?

Last night Ana left a wedge of lovingly-crafted Victoria sponge on the windowsill, on the assumption that the Queen would be peckish after her boat ride.

The cake was gone by morning, and the Queen was thoughtful enough to leave personalised stickers in it's place. But it wasn't enough.

On the train this afternoon a nice man noticed her far-off expression and drooping toy flag.

"Have you been to see the Queen?" he asked with the sort of bubbling excitement that only granddads on the train get.

Ana turned her gaze to him, her eyes teeming with the lost empire and unfulfilled Victoria sponge. She sensed that saying the right thing would shut him up.

"Yes" she said "I have."


  1. Bavarian Sojourn5 June 2012 at 21:36

    Oh poor poor Ana! But how I loved this post... It's just brilliant :) Perhaps she could write her Maj a letter? I hear she is quite good at replying you know?!? ;)

  2. Thank you! A letter has been dispatched. So far no response, but we hear one is quite busy at the mo. We hold out hope...just.

  3. Alas, childhood's disappointments! :( My youngest was more deeply disappointed than I had anticipated, that Diana's death meant she could never meet a REAL princess!

  4. Ah, pobrecita! Well, there's always Kate :)

  5. She does regularly out-maneuver both me and granddads on the train....