Under warranty

Dear reputable manufacturer of quality babies,

I am a loyal customer - I purchased two model CHAOS babies from you in under two years. I am writing to request that you collect my most recent purchase for repair, as I think it may have a defective fuse.

I was alerted to a problem this morning when eating breakfast became impossible due to a sudden lack of bowls. Perhaps foolishly, I then attempted to exit the house with both my models, and was thwarted by an absence of raincoats and shoes.

This afternoon, after a rather soggy morning, I located a stash of bowls, shoes and raincoats in the rubbish bin. Under precisely one ton of soggy coffee grounds. Your model appears to think that I am a total turnip, and claims to have nothing to do with it (and might I just point out at this juncture, that my coffee consumption habits are not the issue here).

As per section C, sub-clause RAP of your warranty, please do collect my model CHAOS baby at your nearest convenience for repair. I understand that sorting out a faulty bin-restraint mechanism may take time, so please don't feel compelled to return my model for say, eighteen years or so.

Regards,

Mama

PS: Please don't try to tell me that by taking my model CHAOS baby out of the box and actually engaging it with the outside world, I have somehow managed to void the warranty.