Stop it already. I know you invest heavily in Wellington boot production and clinical depression, but give us a break. Why don't you go on holiday to my eternally drought-stricken homeland?
How I wish you weren't here,
~Mama
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To the estate agents in my life,
Can we drop 'deceptively spacious' please? If I see that nonsensical phrase one more time I am going to spontaneously combust. And can we please let me be the judge of 'well appointed' and 'sought after location? I am not a turnip—I can diagnose overpriced 70's carpet and crap house near an off-licence all by my little self.
Thank you for your linguistic consideration,
~Mama
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Dear Nana,
I've slept more in the past three days since you arrived than I did in the entire year before that. The giant crows foot atop my neck appears to be melting back into a human face. You can stay. Or rather, you're not allowed to go.
Hugs,
~Mama
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Dear Kat of 3 Bedroom Bungalow,
Thank you for delivering my letters through the So & So post. This is especially helpful at the moment, as Royal Mail still appears to be dealing with a huge Christmas backlog (it's the wrong kind of post).
I look forward to partaking in this fun weekly event again,
~Mama
